She said her name was "party"
that's an acceptable place to lick
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
