Pants 0. Shit 1.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
