I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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