In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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