He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
