Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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