I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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