whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
