i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
