Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
