I think I won the penis lottery.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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