It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
