I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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