More tranny stories later!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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