You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
