I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
