Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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