i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
No stitches, just platelets and will power
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
