Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
