Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
