I heard we made out
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
