She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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