Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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