You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
