i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
