you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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