its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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