one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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