Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize