You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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