As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
