Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
