my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
