Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
