I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
