my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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