bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
