nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
