On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
