so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
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