I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
