totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
