i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You took a bar mat shot.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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