...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
