thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize