I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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