There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
