He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
