Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
