Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize