Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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