Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
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