put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
last night I used snow as a chaser
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
