youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
