it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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