just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
