1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
