i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
