Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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