DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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