Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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