I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize