so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
