I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
