You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
only you would photoshop your dick
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
