Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
