Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just forgot I was standing up.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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