Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
