I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize