It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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