I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
