Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
