I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dignity is for republicans.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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