So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize