He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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