either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
