Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
