he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
