My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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