Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
