ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
the liver wants what the liver wants
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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