Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize