I need help removing her.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
