I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
