Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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