Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
