so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
