He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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