4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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